Thinking about texting can even make me tired. The idea of having a semi-focused conversation, about nothing, over the course of an hour more, can stress me out. I can often find myself staring at my phone for a while before being able to send the first message. Yet I didn’t have words for why I struggled this way, until I saw The Soloist with Robert Downey JR and Jamie Fox.
The story follows the real life story of reporter Steve Lopez (Downey) who stumbles upon a homeless man named Nathaniel (Fox), who at one time was a musical prodigy. Lopez wants to help the man get back on his feet but struggles to motivate him. He also struggles as Nathaniel becomes increasingly dependent on him, showing up at his work, talking without ceasing, and resisting helpful steps forward. Nathaniel sees Lopez as his god, and openly tells him so.
This dependence makes Lopez very uncomfortable and we gain context for his discomfort by seeing him in his personal life. He and his ex wife work at the same company and the two have a relationship that yearns for reconciliation, but both know that it can’t happen. Raccoons dig into his lawn and despite his best efforts to stop them, he can’t. He and his son are estranged. Writing is the only thing that he seems to be able to get right. Writing is his superpower. Writing masks the odors of the rest of his life. His skill and position as a writer are also the things that connect him to Nathaniel and Lopez, faced with this pressure begins to create distance. He tries to fix Nathaniel, not for his own sake, but so that Nathaniel wont need him anymore. He wants to bow out of shoes that are too big for him to fill.
The drama between these competing aims causes Lopez to make some key discoveries. First, he must realize that Nathaniel isn’t the only one who needs fixing. Lopez must own his own failures and insecurities. Next, he must realize that he isn’t all powerful, he is no god. There are limits to what he can fix with his abilities. Lastly, he must come to terms with the fact that he must still act, even if his weaknesses are bigger than he thought, and his strengths smaller.
As for me, I hate texting. The tiny icons and emojis are the sum of all my insecurities wrapped up in one bit of technology. When I text, I analyze each character as if it is the secret to breaking an ancient code, a code that will tell me what another human being is really thinking…which it is… The Soloist helped me to better understand my own reluctance to interact with others. I often struggle with competing desires as it relates to others. I want to be liked, I want them to feel appreciated, I want to avoid potential conflict etc. I also struggle with knowing which portion of myself to define me and which way to communicate. Should I talk like an artist, a teacher, an engineer? Should I focus on shared beliefs or should I focus on expanding the view of the surrounding world? What if I introduce the wrong self? At the root of all of this is a fear of being rejected, a fear that I need to pray against.
The Soloist has helped me to see that it isn’t on me to be everybody’s everything in conversation. I just need to be there, and be there with other people. I don’t need to fix everything to be accepted. I don’t have to have every conversation be a life changer. I just need to be with people, and I can help as I am able. If I make a mistake I can apologize. If differences persist, the relationship can still endure. I highly recommend the movie.
Adventures and Reflections 